Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My dad is sitting where you rode me
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
