I wish I only lived at night.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
