A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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