new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
the day after is always just damage control
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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