I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
