Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
she woke up with a sticky ear
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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