I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
