reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
