nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
