I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
