He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The uberlube is also flammable
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
