There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
