I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
