Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
