Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
