why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
