Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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