The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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