dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve to be covered in dicks
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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