She's JV to your varsity
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
