I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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