Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
