Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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