i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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