dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
