I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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