between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
