Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
