ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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