Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
