"it" just moved
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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