remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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