I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
