Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
