Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
