so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
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Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pour the whiskey from now on
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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