And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
