she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
