some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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