My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
