Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
