i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
just tell him i said nine months
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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