Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
