sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Im part way to drunk.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
