ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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