I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
