the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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