i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
