i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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