weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Please, let me fuck your mom
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
