When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
