An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
