my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
