idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
