Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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