so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
