And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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