I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
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I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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