Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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