The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Someone shit on the floor
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
