A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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