I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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