I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
