the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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