I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
