I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
