Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You smell like stripper and shame
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
