I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
