White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
