we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
