My sheets look like a crime scene.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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