i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
