This dress was meant to end up on your floor
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
