I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
