btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
