Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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