i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
