we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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