i just had sex bonerless
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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