Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i think my tv is drunk
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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