try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
