I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
