Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
