I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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